I quit Weight Watchers. There. I said it. I'm trying not to think of myself as a quitter- I didn't sign up to follow WW for the rest of my life. I met my goals with them, now I want to try something else.
So, even though I am at my goal weight, my journey is not done. I still have many habits that need changing. Of course, isn't that life? Don't we all spend our lives trying to improve ourselves? My current health-related goals have to do with intuitive-eating. I know it kind of sounds all new-age-y and strange, but I promise it's not and I plan to blog more about it later.
Right now I want to talk about why I like to eat. No matter my size, I will always like to eat. I like to eat for a number of reasons- it tastes good, it feels good, etc. Everybody needs to eat, and we are supposed to be able to enjoy it. Right? But, I have discovered- what with trying to be more aware- that after about five Oreos, the taste kind of peters out. No matter how good something is, once I cross the line between enough and too much, it doesn't taste as good. I keep eating it because I want it to taste good. I know it used to, and I'm hoping it will come back.
Also, I have discovered that I love the idea of abandoning control. I find tremendous pleasure in the idea of being allowed to sit down and eat an entire package of Milano's in one sitting if I want to. We fight for control over so much of our lives. We have to go to work, we have to go to school, we can't sleep all day, we don't get to drive as fast as we want, etc. I find it extremely liberating to lose control over food. Except that then I have to deal with the consequences. And, one of the consequences is that losing control over food one time is not enough. That felt good, I want to do it again. It's kind of like a drug sometimes. The more we have, the more we find ourselves wanting.
Never fear, there is hope. I found that balancing out control and the loss thereof is the key. It's not a bad thing to eat with total abandon- once in a while. It gives me that feeling of euphoria, just like occasionally sleeping in. But, then I think logically about whether more will really keep that feeling going, or whether eating (or sleeping) more will actually make me feel worse. Realizing that it will probably make me feel worse gives me the power to stop.