Once again, I apologize for the lengthy pause between posts. That being said, from now on I'm not going to apologize every time. Not because I'm not sorry, but because doing something over and over again, and continuing to apologize for it starts to sound a little bit insincere. So. Just take it for granted that I feel bad, but I'm not letting it ruin my life. Okey dokey. Moving on. :)
I'm still loving exercise classes. I have been going regularly, twice a week, since my kids started school. Yay me. I have discovered muscles that I never knew I had- discovered in rather painful ways. Being sore is painful, but I find a perverse satisfaction in it. For me, it's kind of like being exhausted after a really hard day's work. Physically you feel like you've been run over by a truck, but mentally you know that you feel that way because you did something worthwhile. Here's to worthwhile pain.
Part of the reason I haven't posted in a while is because I have been trying to figure out where I want to go, nutritionally speaking. My weight has stayed pretty steady since my last post. That's a good thing, it's a whole heck of a lot better than my weight increasing. I tried going back to Weight Watchers. I found motivation there, but I also have found some wisdom. The wisdom part is realizing that I do not, and never will, want to get motivation from an outside source for long-term. If I am to be successfully healthy, I need to be able to produce my own motivation. So, I have decided to start with what I know. I know myself so much better now than I did even six months ago. I know that I do not like change. I know that I get tired of fighting my habits. I also know that I takes me a lot longer than six weeks (or whatever time the "average" human takes) to change a habit. Actually, I have never succeeded at consciously changing a habit. The habits I have developed or gotten rid of seemed to be a natural process. So, if I want to change the way I eat, I need to go about it completely differently than I have so far. Instead of shooting for a major lifestyle change, I need to make minor lifestyle tweaks. I need to learn to be okay with the fact that I may never prefer fruit over chocolate cookies. I will quit beating myself up over my Diet Dr. Pepper habit. I will quit (or try to quit) obsessing over getting to weight X by date Z. Instead, I will choose to continue to workout regularly, and teach myself to order the Whataburger Jr. rather than the full size, and add lettuce and tomato. I can have pizza, I will just have two slices instead of four. In other words I will stick to the foods I normally eat, and just make little, almost invisible, changes here and there. I will learn to be me, every bit of me, and be cool with that.