Friday, May 25, 2012

Sharing is Hard

I don't consider myself a "blogger".  I don't take amazing pictures and make my site all visually appealing.  I don't follow a posting schedule.  I don't know that I really even like blogging.  I do like giving advice- though I prefer for people to ask first.  I would rather not come across as egotistical or self-centered.  I don't think I have more to offer the world than any given human on the street.  Blogging is hard.  No, correction:  trying to put myself down on paper in a way that makes sense and doesn't take 30,000 words is hard.  I don't understand myself.  Therefore, I'm not surprised when my husband and family can't figure me out either.  How do I expect the average internet reader who stumbles across my site to even come close to getting what I'm trying to say? 

Truth:  it's easier to explain things in the past tense.  It was much easier to give advice and come across all wise and put-together after I had lost weight the first time.  Now I am losing weight again.  And I don't feel at all wise and put-together.  And.  It's actually easier for me to accomplish something if I don't broadcast to the world that I'm trying. 

I hear you asking:  "So why, exactly, are you blogging then?". 

Two reasons.
One:  I really think, in some undetermined way, that this is good for me.  It will at least give me something to look back on in years to come and maybe see if I learned anything.

Two, (and main reason):  I think somebody, somewhere, might possibly need to hear what I have to say.  I have had many experiences where I have heard the same thing over and over again, but then I hear someone put it a little differently.  And, suddenly, it clicks with me.  If I can help something to finally click with even one person, then I will consider this blog to have been worthwhile.  If not, well, at least it gave me something to do.  :)

So, here's where I am today:
I joined Weight Watchers again, three weeks ago.  I know, I know.  But I really think it's gonna work this time.  Why?  Because I'm doing it all wrong.  :)  Last time, I followed the "plan" exactly.  I went to the meetings.  I cooked the recipes.  I bought the frozen meals.  I measured, counted and portioned everything.  And I lost a lot of weight.  But.  I didn't want to spend the rest of my life counting, portioning and eating frozen cardboard at $5 a pop.  So I went back to what I knew (eating whatever the heck I wanted) and gained everything back. 

This time, I am paying the monthly fee for the privilege of weighing in once a week and using the cell phone app for tracking purposes.  That's it.  I don't go to the meetings.  I haven't bought a single cardboard frozen meal.  I figured if I'm not willing to do it for the rest of my life, I shouldn't do it to lose weight.  'Cause it won't stick, that's why.  I love that they changed the plan to make fruits and most veggies 0 points.  So now I have a fabulous incentive to eat lots of fruit and veggies.  And I have been!  Go figure.  I'm also making a point of losing as slowly as I possibly can.  I'm shooting for about 1/2 a pound a week.  So it'll stick.  Because I made that goal, I'm not nearly as stressed about what I eat.  If I've had lots of fruit that day, and I want an ice cream that night, I have one.  I don't always track everything I eat in a day.  I try to let myself get hungry, and stop when I'm full, and ask myself if I really want that treat.  It's the going to weigh-in once a week that's the true catalyst.  It helps me remember what I'm doing and why.  Weighing myself at home just doesn't have the same effect.

And, what the heck, if you really want to know, here's my current stats:

Highest weight:  220 (reached in 2007)
Lowest weight:  155 (reached in 2010)
Current weight:  201.2

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